Friday, February 17, 2012

Day 298

Still walking. That military base is further away than I expected. I had a dream last night. I was wandering through a landscape. It was bleak, and hot, even though this was at twilight. Dust filled the air, and a smell that I recognized. Some kind of explosive. My mind says C4, but I don’t know how I know that. There was a song playing. Or maybe I was singing it. I’m not sure. I remember it, so I’ll sing it for you:

As I lay here dying in my hospital bed
I think of my life and all the things that I've said
I wonder if you'll come and see me, but I don't think you will
I sigh and then I realize I need another pill
I call the nurse, she doesn't answer when I say her name
I stand, I stagger to my door but nothing looks the same
I wish I knew just what this meant, just what is going on
Will I die alone tonight, have I already gone?

Because I, I don't understand
Don't comprehend, I don't get this plan
And I, I don't wanna leave
No, not tonight, I still believe
I just can't, I can't deny
That I destroyed both you and I
And if I have, I have to go,
I want you to know, to see I know

The walls are writhing, pulsing to the rhythm of my heart
And as I think about your face it's tearing me apart
I know that I will die tonight but I don't really care
All I want is to hear your voice once more upon the air
I wobble and collapse, my breathing coming hard and fast
And as the nurse comes I see there is no face behind her mask
I yell and scream, but still she brings her needle full of pain
And as it cuts into my heart, I see you once again

And I know, I know that I'm gone
Know that I'm done, no moving on
And now you, you kill me inside
You crush my heart, and I can't hide
The nurse, she smirks at me
Says "Now you know, I see you see
All the pain, the hurt you made
Falls back on you, the debt repaid"

I'm gone for good and now I know I'll never see you again
My very last breath fills up my lungs with one last stab of pain
And as the darkness closes in the nurse gives me a smile
"Have fun in hell" she whispers as she throws me on the pile
My burning flesh, it turns to ash and floats up to the sky
My last regret is that I'll never get to say goodbye.

The nurse stands and smiles as my soul burns
Her mask hides a demon's smile
As my mind burns away, I realize:
The dark nurse was you all the while.


I don’t know what it means. I don’t know where I was. Even my memories from the time I’ve spent here are becoming dim, blurred. It’s like I’m slowly losing myself. I need to find an answer….but I need to know the question first.

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