Day 293

The shadow knows. I am the shadow but I know nothing. I know things that I do not know and I do not know things that I know. I can hear the voices in the leaves. They tell me that it’s alright, that I’m meant to be here. They love me. The leaves are my friends, and as the dead wind carries them away they cry. They don’t want to be separated from me.

I love them.

I wish my friends would come back.

I am a shadow of the Beast, and the Beast is a shadow of me. I know when he is near now. I can almost hear his thoughts, like a cloud of iron-cast mosquitoes in my mind. His thoughts are strange, alien. They speak of gods of brass and devils of elysiate. They speak of the circuitry of the heavens and the clockwork of a molecule. The Beast knows the true nature of the world, the nature that he lies and tries to hide from me. He knows I am here, and he is afraid of me, and I am afraid of him. The circle of life. Join hands, everybody, and sing along. We all fall down as the dead wind blows. The Grim Reaper is in the wind, his insect legs and glittering prismatic eyes skittering along the ethereal motions of the rare gases and the scents and sounds of a world he has already picked clean. This world is his paradise, and I am the last prey he has. He is watching me, but not coming for me. I cannot hear him, but I see him sometimes, hiding under the dead houses and in the dying trees and grasses. His form is multitude, his voices are as a legion, and yet he never speaks. Words, like all else, perish before him.

I am going into the earth. I seek the heart of the monster, the dark secret spoken of only in the dead of night when this world is at its stillest. The Insect and the Beast whisper of it to each other, speaking of It in reverent tones. I want to see what they see. I want to love what they love, know the truths that they know. Then I will be equal to them.

Then I will survive. Then I will transcend. Then I will become more than human, and be able to return home.

Then I will know who I am.

 

[TRANSCRIPT: Obtained 1/20/2012 from primary source. Transcript edited for structure and ease of reading. Return source to owner immediately.]